Ulleres: imágenes en mis lentes

Iphone - Bus Inhabitant

2012-02-01T11:33:00.000-08:00

iPhone - Catalunya

2012-01-29T14:11:00.000-08:00

Barcelona, Catalunya. 2012

There are many things to say, there are many things to be said to a person that you care about, or you love. People are strange and we all get nervous with feelings, and how to solve or do something with others feelings. There is a huge difference between a feeling of love, a feeling of sex, and finally no feelings at all. The first ones have finally the second ones, but this ones are more complete, this ones permit to have a future with a person. The second ones are just that love that was born in a specific moment with a need of sex-love, and dies there after sex. Finally, there is just this last option of having sex, but with no feelings. Almos in all the cases there is someone that gets hurt. It is because we have hope, illusion or pride about the other person. It is difficult to recognize "I am in love," "I love you but just to have sex," and lastly "I just one to have sex, and nothing else." We can be hypocrites or be straight forward and say what we thing and can have with someone else. We need freedom to ourselves.

Iphone - Alone beach (or bitch) with Flying Rats

2012-01-20T09:00:00.000-08:00

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"Iphone - Alone beach (or bitch) with Flying Rats"

Alive - Ron Mueck

2012-01-15T12:41:00.000-08:00

Ciudad de México. 2011

It is strange to look to these scuptures and have this feeling of weird people. They are people, just like we are. But there is something that make us see them as dead people. They are like zombies. Nudity and the color of the skin, and the difference in size with real people makes them strange. Though I like them. The general comment was, "They are weird." So we are, because they are a copy with different dimensions of us. Maybe Fiodor Dostoievsky was right, and what is really extraordinary is what happen in reality but we think it could not happen.

i-Phone - Piñata

2011-12-27T09:41:00.001-08:00

Cuernavaca, Morelos, México. 2011

Talking

2011-12-20T12:38:00.000-08:00

(see full image)

A bitter comment sent from a bitten apple.

Yoga's Views

2011-12-14T06:18:00.000-08:00

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"Yoga View"
(taken at Playa Nova Icaria)

Insane Reflection - iPhone

2011-12-13T13:08:00.001-08:00

Barcelona, Catalunya. 2011

Welcome Sunshine - iPhone

2011-12-01T22:55:00.001-08:00

Somewhere in the deep Catalonia. 2011.

Morning Comuting - Iphone

2011-12-01T03:07:00.001-08:00

Barcelona, Catalunya. 2011

Morning Movement - Iphone

2011-11-30T23:41:00.001-08:00

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"Morning Movement"

New Sight

2011-11-22T15:51:00.001-08:00

Castellfollit, Catalunya. 2011

It can be a dead end or a beautiful sight. We have to choose what we see. Indeed, we have to see what we think it is, and if it is not beautiful we can rewrite the story. Again and again we can do it. The stories of our life are written by ourselves, then we can review it and change it.

Snails' Field Mood

2011-11-13T13:16:00.001-08:00

L'Espelt, Catalonia. 2011

A long time of my life the things were expected as mandatory. Any little thing was part of the whole thing and qualifies it. Now, in the previews of the 4th step it is just the beauty of the basic things what matters. It is a whole change in my point of view. The time can pass through and I do not really care. Things take their time to be if they are going to be. I am in a snail mood. I am not in a hurry anymore. I would like to love people but sometimes they are not interested, then I love then but without waiting an answer. Maybe, that is the perfect world the lack of expectations. Love is a whole inside of myself and there is no need of perfection. It is because I feel it, I can love that Petita Brunette, la Petita Princesa or the Lovely Lur or anyone that I want. It is just a matter of loving without an answer, without the expectation of having anything in return.

Fields Lights

2011-11-08T14:15:00.000-08:00

L'Espelt, Catalunya. 2011.

Near to any kind of field there is a feeling of something real. When seeds grow and the earth gives life there is a sense of life. I am reading a book about a gardener "Chance Gardiner" that meets the President of the USA. Indeed, he becomes a counselor. But he is a gardener that for his first time over his life goes out of his home and his garden. Everything has an explanation of how things go in a garden, he says something like, "there is always a autumn and a winter, but there is always a new spring." He explains the economical problems with that, and now, in the time being, we are hoping to have a spring. My fields have seeds and there will be a time to gather all the fruits of the work that I have been doing.

Soft Porn: Potatoes, Carrots and Cheese

2011-11-06T14:25:00.001-08:00

Igualada, Barcelona, Catalunya. 2011

There is that old Lennon's Song in witch he said something like, "People say I am crazy," And It is true. Nevertheless there is a small option of testing everybody's possibilities of respect my thoughts, my way of express myself and also, my own need of saying things. I have never tried to show off, I am just testing, trying and expressing what I am at that moment. In the case of this photo, I was just cooking and then there was an idea of talking a picture and the potatoes and the carrot, and the cheese where there. It is not a porno photo, it is just a good flash picture with a strange topic. I am just doing pictures and not crossing anything else. If someone, somewhere feels insulted by my picture, it was not my claim. Besides, the problem is not mine, there is nothing at the picture, just potatoes, a carrot and cheese.

Globus

2011-10-30T13:34:00.000-07:00

Igualada, Barcelona. 2011.

There are some days where seeing others work permit to acknowledge how different things subsist. Each person has a duty, sometimes is misunderstood, sometimes it has no sense to anybody. However, there is something that is done, and that part is what matters. A team trying to put a balloon on the air, could have no sense, but from the person putting the fabric perfectly straight, through the person with the fan, and then the one with the fire, each of them has a duty. Make the work makes things happen. Some people's work is just to bluff, I hate it, but that work in some cases is also important.

Dawn

2011-10-27T15:00:00.000-07:00

Igualada, Barcelona, Catalunya. 2011

To accept ourselves is a basic need to be happy. There is no spiritual stage that does not concern the acceptance of the way we are. Even a killer to be happy has to know what he is. Each person before this stage lives a hell. Probably, all the others do not understand why we do what we do. It does not matter if we feel that this is the right thing, the one that makes us happy.

Versions

2011-10-24T14:52:00.000-07:00

L'Espelt, Barcelona, Catalunya. 2011

Everything has more than one version. Each thing can be viewed with different eyes. Human perception changes and it is influenced by the background that has built our consciousness. So, everytime when someone sees the world as a horrible thing, there are some others that see it as the most wonderfull place. We all have reasons to believe one thing or the other. However, there are facts that cannot be denied, like for example, some people has lived huge difficulties, and someothers have not. We all deserve to explain and say what we think, but the other has the right not to think like us, the right to disagree, and the right to go away. The only right that no one has is the right to silence the others right to express the agreement or the dissagreement. We just have one world even though that we live in different ones.

Laughing Hands

2011-10-23T13:11:00.000-07:00

Mexico City, Mexico. 2011.

There is a place were everything could happen. That place is always opened to surprise people about facts. Mexico has that possibility of showing a new face, even the worst one, and then what was a normal tragedy could be the huge tragedy. However, there is another thing about the people down there. Mexicans, my Mexicans and me, we are people that take all the bad moments of life as something to laugh about. I can laugh about people trying to hunt me. I can laugh about people with problems and about me with problems. We can laugh because that mood makes us handle anything and survive. This is the way we give a hand to our life, laughing and having the opportunity to begin once again, every time that we need it.

Iphone - playing at lunch time

2011-10-19T09:00:00.000-07:00

Barcelona, Catalunya. 2011.

Home Colour Perception

2011-10-18T16:11:00.000-07:00

Pátzcuaro, Michoacán, México. 2010

Today, I have seen my beloved and best friend Su. She is a fighter in a bad terrible moment of her life. Sometimes during this 'long and winding road' many of us have horrible moments. When everythings seems to be falling inside and around the only thing that we have is us, and the people we love, and the people that love us. She knows it and she is fighting, even though it seems to be an impossible and unpleasant way of living. I told her that one of the things that I love about Mexico's culture is the way we lived tragedy. We usually laugh about it, and we live with it, everyday, and during all our lives. However we laugh. That is what matters, we have to have another perception of things and when everything is so dark that we cannot see, what we have to expect and seek is laughing about our blindness.

Janitzio - Reload, Reviewing and Rebonitas

2011-10-17T15:51:00.000-07:00

Lago de Cuitzeo, Michoacán, México. 2010

He estado revisando fotos para hacer un par de álbumes. Hay fotos interesantes y algunas otras bonitas. Supongo que mi ego no es como lo pinto sino mucho peor. El punto es que revisando cientos de miles de imágenes, escoger algunas buenas o que me gustan es complicado.

Esta imagen aunque no es una gran imagen, tiene la ventaja o la ironía de que su imperfección nace de que fue tomada desde la ventana de un autobús. Como soy un viajero incansable, o tal vez un inmigrante eterno, paso horas, días o noches enteros en algún medio de transporte.

Así, algunas veces sólo me queda tomar fotos allá arriba, para matar el tiempo.

iPhone - Sleeping Neighbor

2011-10-14T09:48:00.001-07:00

Somewhere in a Bus over the Deep Catalonia. 2011

iPhone - Cats - Fields

2011-09-27T11:49:00.000-07:00

L'Espelt, Catalunya. 2011

iPhone - bus - Neighbor

2011-09-27T11:45:00.000-07:00

Somewhere in the Bus at the deep Catalonia. 2011

iPhone - Món Roig

2011-09-11T11:30:00.000-07:00

Road to Barcelona, Catalonia. 2011

Last Year VIII

2011-09-10T12:39:00.000-07:00

Maine, USA. 2010

A few days ago I saw some pictures from Maine. My friends from Boston went there as every year. I thought about life and, Is it possible to stop any contact in order to forget? Is that the way to stop the pain? The answer possibly is yes. However, it is a gift to have the people, to have things, good things to remember. Indeed, pains are special because they tell us that we are alive, and that sometimes we were humans. We can get an oblivion, but everything after is stand still, and knowledge is a kind of book with old things that had happened.

iPhone - Morning Rush

2011-09-05T23:03:00.001-07:00

Al bus aprop de Igualada, Barcelona, Catalunya. 2011.

iPhone - Bus - Porno for Pyros N

2011-08-24T02:49:00.001-07:00

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Somewhere on the Hispano-Igualadino in the deep Catalonia. 2011

iPhone - Public Transportation - Urban Race

2011-08-22T12:45:00.000-07:00

Somewhere in the deep Catalonia. 2011

iphone - festa major - Plouen Catximbes

2011-08-20T15:41:00.001-07:00

Igualada, Barcelona, Catalunya. 2011

Plouen Catximbes. Festa Major.

iPhone - H2O - Home Holidays Oxigen

2011-08-03T21:31:00.000-07:00

Zapotitlán Salinas, Puebla. 2011

Last Year VII

2011-07-26T01:13:00.000-07:00

Connecticut, USA. 2010

I have many drafts with quotations and photos. They overload me. However, one of today's posts was about "doing each other life easy." It is a shame that we complicate us our life. We do not need to, but we do it. Nowadays with the Olso events we have been through some realities of human society. How many people over the world thinkgs like the Norwegian Killer. How many of us have been nurturing hate and differences between different people. I am an immigrant and I will be all my life. I cannot hate anyone, I can disagree but not hate because of that. Are we good citizens not from our country, from this world? Some times I do not know.

Bus Shots - Life Voyeur

2011-07-20T12:53:00.000-07:00

Somewhere in the deep Catalonia. 2011

Per la Su que tornarà a somriure!

Many people during my life have told me that I would have problems because of my way of saying things. Yesterday, someone told me that my email was a little aggressive, and that maybe someday I will need of the person who was copied and named as part of the problem. I thought then and I think the same - I can same the same in front of the person-. I am no lying. However, people do not like to hear the truth, not even real things because it is politically incorrect. That is why we live in this world, that is why my friend Su is upset with herself and sad. We do not need politicians, we need just policies that apply to everybody. Then there is not politically correctness, there is just a discussion about something that happened and we have to solve.

iPhone - Bus - Not Smoking

2011-07-11T12:16:00.000-07:00

Somewhere in Catalonia. 2011

Today, I have realize that I have been without smoking for more than 2 months. It is hard. Many people are social smokers, however I was a lonely one. Though, this makes it harder to stop smoking, there are many moments of solitude where I used to enjoy cigarettes. Now, that psychological moment ask for its debt, and I have to pay it with a little pain a hard moment. Even though I am doing it. I will accomplish the goal and live without smoking.

iPhone - Bus - Morning Glory

2011-07-07T23:10:00.000-07:00

Igualada, Catalonia. 2011

iPhone - Bus - Mother Ship

2011-07-05T12:38:00.001-07:00

Somewhere en Catalunya. 2011.

Today I was talking my friend Su and I told her, "what if we are not like them, what if we aren't the executive they want us to be. I am still a hippy." She agreed with me. We are not like them, we are no interested about money like them, It is not a goal, it is a source. We do not want power, we do not want to be The Boss, we just want to be happy and do our best. That is what we are. We belong to a mother ship that went out from the earth a long time ago. It left us here, so we have to find the way to be happy, and the best way is to have us. Friendship with people that is like us permits to belong to something, to achieve a dream, to share a life where the most important thing is love.

iPhone - Morning Drummer - El Bruc

2011-07-04T23:19:00.000-07:00

Bruc, Barcelona, Catalunya. 2011

Wired Birds

2011-07-03T10:55:00.000-07:00

L'Espelt, Barcelona, Catalunya. 2011

Sempre el meu pare ha dit que a casa nostra hi ha "ocells als fils ferros", sempre hi ha algú que contesta a un altre telèfon i llavors la xerrada és amb un corus. Això ens ha passat sempre i aquests ocells són justament com som a casa de la meva àvia, a casa dels meus pares i així. Jo com no sóc gent de telèfon, doncs em costa això de estar xafardellant a les converses alienes, a menys clar que com als "punts d'engreixament" que s'han tornat les feines dels "obrers del telat". Bé, només m'he enrecordat que les converses alienes són sempre interessants, però les millors són aquelles a on només hi ha un amic i tota la confiança del món.

iPhone - Bus - Disonance of Beauty

2011-06-30T13:05:00.000-07:00

El Bruc, Barcelona, Catalunya. 2011

Round Here - Fields and Snails

2011-06-28T14:49:00.000-07:00

L'Espelt, Barcelona, Catalunya. 2011

Per la Su

Si hi ha alguna cosa a dir ara mateix és que un dia te'n adones que les coses que fem, les coses que hem de fer i el que ens crida el cor no sempre és el mateix. Algunes vegades aquest sentiment de buidor ens amoïna, ens engoixa i llavors hem de demanar un temps per nosaltres mateixos, per a tornar a trovar-nos. Molta gent pot viure sense agafar aquest temps, hi ha altres que no. El que es veritat és que quan un decideix una acció de guerra com aquesta, no hi ha res que l'aturi. Poques persones tenen la força per deixar-se anar cap aquesta necessitat de llibertat, de retrovament amb un mateix. Qui ho fa sap que és la millor opció per a mantenir el cor sencer i l'ànima viva, els que no ho fan sobreviuen.

Last Year V: Europe

2011-06-27T14:50:00.000-07:00

Perpinyà, Catalunya. 2010

Hamburg, Germany. 2010

Last years was plenty of movements. My life was open to a new tournament every day. It was open to know new things and to meet new people. I did both but possibly the only thing that would remind near to me are the pictures I took. The people are in the rush of their life, and there is no time to write or to care about the other. That is what friendship means to this world, a second lived, because a second later we have something else to do.

iPhone - Bus - Morning Feelings

2011-06-21T23:11:00.000-07:00

Igualada, Barcelona, Catalunya. 2011.

When I am awaken during the morning bus commuting I can see many landscapes. Here, every year there is a balloon contest. I do not know if I am going to see it, but there is always a possibility. Life goes like a balloon, with the force of the wind and the effort of the pilot. So, maybe one day I will surf the sky of my different countries, the ones I do not know right now, and the ones I already have. My country, my city, my town is that where I can find people that I love, friends to care about.

iPhone - Some Seconds Ago - Dusk

2011-06-20T12:43:00.001-07:00

Abrera, Barcelona, Catalonia. 2011

iPhone - Morhdorh Montserrat Morning

2011-06-16T22:53:00.000-07:00

iPhone - Street Pics - Door Detail

2011-06-16T13:43:00.000-07:00

Barcelona, Catalonia. 2011

There are many little places on a city that make it beautiful. Barcelona is the most beautiful city if you understand it. It is not easy but when you do it, the only shout that you can do is: Posa't Guapa (Make yourself beautiful). Beauty depends on our perception. Thought, if we change the whole perception of the world it could be a beautiful world!

*from the bitten apple, a bitter comment ;-)

iPhone - Bus - Montserrat Morning Fields

2011-06-15T05:56:00.001-07:00

Igualada, Barcelona, Catalonia. 2011

iPhone - UFO inhabitants commuting

2011-06-14T11:56:00.001-07:00

Somewhere between Igualada and Barcelona. 2011

Martians are strange inhabitants of Mars, but we have people from this world that are not crazy, they are different. Indeed, we all are different from each other. However, we want to feel part of a community, part of a group, part of something higher than ourselves. The people outside of that kind of groups are outsiders. They are like Martians: different, maybe blue, maybe like ET. It does not matter if we are really different, the real problem is that we are not part of the common groups, we are not part of the social division. We are what we are: different. We just do not have a flag, a star, a moon or a color. We follow the freedom of respect the other people choice.

Sent from my i-molcajete de la manzana mordida (from the bitten apple, a bitter comment ;-)

2011 - Àngels

2011-06-13T14:53:00.000-07:00

Tehuacán, Puebla, México. 2010

Para Ana (QEPD) y Diego (QEPD)

Para ellos, mis padrinos, mi familia.

Cuando el mundo era distinto a este en el que nos encontramos, había ciertas reglas especiales, se tomaban ciertas previsiones especiales. Cuando me quitaron los cuernos y me cortaron la cola, esto es, cuando me bautizaron, mi padrinos fueron mis tíos paternos. Los padrinos hace mucho tiempo eran quienes se harían cargo del ahijado. Esto se perdió en nuestra sociedad, la mexicana, y en mi sociedad actual realmente sólo se da un pastel el día de la mona. Creo que yo siempre supe que si algo le hubiera pasado a mis papás en el camino, mis tíos siempre me hubieran cuidado. Posiblemente no sólo mi tía Ana (en la foto), sino también su marido, mi tío Diego. Ahora, ellos están juntos en el cielo, sobre todo en nuestra mente y nuestros corazones. Tal vez hoy ya no tengo quien me cuide si mis padres no estuvieran, pero lo que sí puedo decir es que durante toda mi vida, aún teniendo a mis papás, siempre me acogieron, me dieron cariño y me hicieron sentir parte de ellos. La imagen es de la Navidad del año pasado, de las últimas que tendré de mi tía. Sin embargo, será siempre un recuerdo de familia, de trabajo y de amor.

Basta de Llamarme Así. Vicentico.

iPhone - me, myself & I: the immigrant

2011-06-09T12:00:00.001-07:00

Somewhere in the deep Catalonia. 2011

What technology means is possibilities. It gives new ways to do things, with new quality and options to usually create. My iPhone is an easy way to take pictures during my everyday commuting. I have 1 hour trip and 30 minutes by bike to go and the same to come back home. What I cannot change about this commuting is the 30 minutes of biking, the photos during the trip, and finally the obligatory two hours of reading, writing or listening music. Many people say that I am crazy, and it is true, but it is a good way to do things that you could not if you were in another place. With my phone I have update many photos to Facebook, now I can send them to the blog directly and I will.

Last Year IV

2011-05-15T12:37:00.000-07:00

Menorca, Països Catalans. 2010

Details is what we usually missed from life. The whole picture is always easy to remember, easy to criticized. However, when you can have little detail with the people near to you, life goes better. I sent to my friend Su and my Shrink an iPad application. It was silly. But my friend Su sent me by mail what I publish in Moments de Pau (It has to meanings in Catalan: Moments of Peace or Paul). This thing I did for the Book's Day or Saint George was a detail I had. I like this kind of details because they said something about the people you care about, the people you love needs my details at anytime. Another example was to call my sister, my mother, my grandma, my aunts and some other friends that are mothers, it was just to say how I love them. They were happy and I was too. It is a detail from our life that we give to other people. It is a simple detail that makes a big difference.

Last Year III: Flowers

2011-05-14T16:14:00.000-07:00

Boston, Massachusetts, USA. 2010

Flowers are something I have never liked to give as a gift. They could be beautiful, though. However, what I do not like about flowers as a gift is that they last just a little. What I like to give are things that never die because they go inside the heart, the soul or the brain. I love to give books because each story has a meaning for life. I like to give CDs with music I like because it represents me and some beautiful moments of my life and my feelings. Finally, what I like to give are moments, the moments we have share, we are sharing, and we will share. This kind of flowers are mine, the flowers I give to my family and my extended family: my friends.

Last Year II: Environment

2011-05-01T14:01:00.000-07:00

Barcelona, Catalunya. 2010

The environment where we develop ourselves is always pushing us to act in certain ways. Now I am going back to the client's way. Demanding providers to do their job and being friendly. Sometimes seems difficult, sometimes I do not like it because it is hard and make me be harder than the way I like to be. Finally, I do it. Some people like it, some others dislike it. However I always try to do my job the best way I can. The environment where we behave is the only place that we can have clean and beloved. The images are examples of how we fight in Barcelona to have a better environment. We all have to work to have a better one on each place we are.

Looking

2011-04-09T14:49:00.000-07:00

El Montseny, Catalunya. 2011

I have seen many eyes and some of them are awesome. I can list many eyes I love. The little girl there is Laura and she has this lovely sight, it is a strange one, because it seems scare. It reminds me a photography of a friend at Boston. The eyes I saw at the picture were lovely. What is most important of the sight is that it does not lie. I think that we show the essence of our souls. I have seen many souls and I love to feel the soul of my friends. The black and white picture at Boston touched my heart. It was like the little girl, it was lovely and I remember it as a very good thought to sleep and dream. I saw the eyes of that girl more than once sad, and I would like to see them alive and happy.

Last Year I - Illusions

2011-04-03T15:11:00.000-07:00

Janitzio, Michoacán, México. 2010

Morelia, Michoacán, México. 2010

By mistake I repeated images and now I have change them. To posts before are the images of this one.

There are things that we invent, things that we have built inside our brain, lies. We all develop thoughts to cover our own shyness, our fears. Sometimes a decision we made follow us and it is hard to go back. The most difficult thing to say is that we had a mistake. People don't like to recognize that something they defended for a long time was wrong. We build illusions and we don't want to brake our own illusions. It is difficult to change something that has describe us for a long time. It could be a political point of view, a religion or something silly like a long hair tail. To change, to recognize that we were in a mistake is hard. Sometimes it is easy to live in a lie forever, but someday in our life, as Margarite Duras said, "Someday in my life it was too late." It could happen to anybody: illusions that get us into a place that we cannot go back because the time we lost, it is lost.

During the Night

2011-03-30T19:12:00.000-07:00

El Montseny, Catalunya. 2011.

Ara per ara, hauria de escriure en anglès, peró no tinc ganes i com la meva segona llengua és aquesta anomenada català, llavors ho faig en aquesta. Ara son les cuatre de la matinada, acabo enviar una presentació per demà a les deu. Estic cansat i no tinc massa temps per dormir. Suposo que hi ha mooments per a tot. Ara ha passat la nit i encara estic despert. Em pregunto qui de la gent que m'estimo està dormint i qui no. Molta, quasi tota està dormint o està a punt de dormir-se. Coses i jo encara no dormo i en dues hores m'haig de despertar. Coi, que de vegades no sé si la nit ha d'ésser així ho s'ha d'engegar a les persones en un segon. Res a fer, per ara ja està fet. Sense dormir per feina i demà a matinar per la feina. Serà un dia grandiós, dur i si tot va bé faré un sarau. Això sí, tot dependrà de si m'estic dormint o no.

Soundtrack:

Shiwa. Love of Lesbian. (acústica en català)

One time: like a shot

2011-03-22T13:29:00.000-07:00

Somewhere in the deep Catalonia. 2011

My father says, "I said things once. I don't believe on that behavior used with children about: one, two, two and a half, two and 3/4..." Me neither. Maybe it is because he nurtured me, he educated me. We are not friendly speakers, we say things once and everybody can take a decision with that. I have to day that it makes us hard and sometimes rude people. However, people know that we have 'word', honor or whatever name people would name that. Many people suffer our behavior. I have hurt people I love, like my sisters. Beside, a friend of mine always told me, "Don't tell me what you think, tell what I want a hear." I can't. It is not me. Possibly that is why I love photography. The shoot is there one second and disappears forever. Life is one shot, one chance that disappears forever.

Advantages and disadvantages

2011-03-16T15:33:00.000-07:00

Washington, DC, USA. 2010

During my trip in America I met all kind of people. There is something interesting about them, and it is the general compromise with their ideas. This issue is either positive or negative. First, is positive because it gives a really straight forward way of living. There are no other options. There is not cheating, at least, in a general point of vies. secondly, it has a negative branch because as many ideas, from the political, passing through the religious ones, and until the everyday life they become unchangeable facts. They are and theres is no option nor a possible creative solution. The main problem with this is that they, I mean the Americans, become 'conservative' in a broad way. Indeed, they become silos of trues and extremist of any kind: political, religious, ethnic, racial and so on. With this behavior they work almost perfectly as a society. However, they can have a Bush Jr. as President, a Charles Manson as a leader or a Kid shooting in a school. There are advantages, yes, they have many, but there are also many disadvantages, and the worst is the impossibility of change.

Bus Voyeur

2011-03-13T13:44:00.000-07:00

Somewhere in the Deep Catalonia. 2011

A photographer is a voyeur. We see, we hunt moments, people's moments, events peoples events. Sometimes there is something in the world that make us feel alive. There is that moment, that special light, that second that is just there a second to keep the moment. I have a lot of time inside a bus, sometimes I read, sometimes I write, sometimes I dream, sometimes I sleep, but the ones when Iam taking pictures usually I have my small camera. There are not many options on the camera and inside the bus, but for example the reflection of the girl above was interesting. It is the mirror in front of me, and she was two or three seats further from mine. Maybe, it is not a great photo, but it is about that moment until I was hunt with her sight.

Last Day

2011-03-08T14:06:00.000-08:00

Between Cambridge and Watertown, Massachusetts, USA. 2010

The last week in America I did not have my bike. I was using the Public Transportation that it is really poor. Boston is one of the best ones on this matter, but it is still poor. My 2 wheels Girlfriend was traveling to Europe, and today I remember it because lately she is having some troubles. I suppose that I don't care many times about it and it gets hurt. Well, today I have to fix a problem and if everything goes right some of this days I will have to take it to Cap Problema, the Brompton's mechanic downtown in Barcelona. It has to be fixed again and again. Well, what is important is that she can get fixed, humans usually cannot.

Last Night

2011-03-05T13:37:00.000-08:00

Watertown, Massachusetts, USA. 2010

This was my last night in Boston. The first snow and my last night were together. I had the dream of going back and a few days ago it ran away forever. The American Dream has gone as it has come on a second. All the people I met there have to wait until a luck comes by. I had other plans, as we say in Spanish, "For if the flies, " that usually means something like "if it is necessary". What has impressed me is my own reaction. It hurts because I had this little hope, but I am not disqualifying all what I did there with this impossibility. Indeed, as my father said to me, "they are the ones that have lost the possibility of having you, because they had the possibility, and they didn't take it." It is a "father crow" phrase, but it is nice to think that who have lost was the MIT, Indiana, Iowa and Cornell. They had the possibility of having a hard worker, and they did not take it.

The soundtrack for this moment: "Losing You." John Buttler Trio.

Morning Bus

2011-03-04T15:02:00.000-08:00

Somewhere in Catalonia.

Now, I haven't use my Canon 50D, It is too big and I have to carry the bike and other things. However, I always have my Olympus Tough. During my morning travels to Barcelona sometimes I take pictures. The camera, the movement and the sun do not help to take some kind of pictures. I try to do something creative with the possibilities of the moment. The pictures above give an idea of what I am seeing every morning: trees in movements, Montserrat on one side, and some little towns before Barcelona. I like this moments of solitude and tests of images. Sometimes the out-of-the-box is not important, what we need is to be creative. Trying and shooting is one of the things that I do.

2011 - Paragraph

2011-02-27T09:38:00.000-08:00

January / Gener / Enero

To the Lesbian in a Man's Body: Me and Myself

I was a child and my mother thought that I was too kind. She sent me with a peasant family in Zacatecas to get a little bit of rudeness. I did not get, but I learnt a lot about survival with few things. Something that now means a lot because even though that I like electronic devices. I can live with a few things. I am still a good person and kind, but I am also rude with words and some behavior. I have always said that I feel too much and that is why I have my own closed castle. Some people always want me to open the gate of myself, but I just open it when I feel comfortable, when I know that even that a person will hurt me, I give the right to do it. There is another thing that makes me different from the standard and it is that I feel and perceive many things that usually just some girls perceive. I know when someone is showing up by saying something like, "I am all right," or something like, "I have an amazing life." Some people have it, but the examples I am using are from people that show off with these phrases a lack of what they are saying. I was a child when I learnt to write, but since the moment I went to Boston I realize that a paragraph was so important. A paragraph could be full of meaning, full of love.

Summarizing that month I share "Don't Let Me Be Misunderstood." Yusuf Islam.

PS. Since January 22nd I have been written paragraphs. I will continue with ideas in a paragraph, that is what I need right now.

December / Decembre / Diciembre - 2010

2011-02-26T06:28:00.000-08:00

December / Decembre / Diciembre

To Sussen my Grandma.

She was born in Mexico, but her fathers and grandfathers were from Lebanon. She says that the Maronite Saint Charbel Majluf is our great, great, grand uncle. The story is that a long time ago her parents and grandparents went to Mexico and they began there without almost anything. I can't imagine the decision of going to a country where nobody speaks your language, where the signs aren't the same at the alphabet. There is a document of my great grandmother that says that she was illiterate. I am also in Arabic. We lost the language when my grandma's friends laugh at her because her parents 'Spoke as dogs.' She stopped speaking Arabic, and we all lost the language. Now, every three or four weeks I call her. She is one of my lost roots, she was an immigrant in the country where she born. I was also the same, but I decided that I would be an immigrant always.

Summarizing that month I share "Desapariciones." Maná, and also Enrique Bunbury's "El Extranjero."

November / November / Noviembre - 2010

2011-02-25T14:24:00.000-08:00

November / Novembre / Noviembre

To My Special and Beloved Ones.

I have been reading some books, and there are many ideas to think about. For example, in Dracula by Bram Stoker I have found a nice phrase about saying the truth. A girl says to a guy that she likes/love another guy, and this guy says thanks because the girl was truthful with him. Another example is Howard Zinn's People's History of the United States, in the chapter about women before and after the Revolution there is all this problems about how women were taken by the society. It is scary. Finally, my father gave me on Christmas George Steiner's Lessons of the Masters, there he is talking about teaching, and I thought that even though women have been teaching humanity since the beginning of the world, he talks just about men. I also found that Rabbi means 'teacher', and there is just a few women that are Rabbis. My special women are teachers, professors and they have taught me many things. That what make them special beloved. That is what I have learnt on these books that chaotically I am reading all together.

Summarizing that month I share "Lindas Criaturitas." Aleks Syntek.

October / Octobre / Octubre - 2010

2011-02-22T13:47:00.000-08:00

October / Octubre / Octubre

To Mamá, Ren, Andi & Sapo.

The beginning of human beings life is because a woman is there. My life has been a huge amount of contact with women, 'girls' I use to call them. My mother, my sisters and my aunt (the toad) are my family girls. They have given me all the sense of feelings. Women, at least the normal ones, are a bomb of feelings. I think that this feature is learnt. I have learnt from 'my girls' this sixth sense. It is sometimes terrible and some others amazing. Furthermore, it is a very complete point of view of the world. I live with all this feelings of love, of nurturing my people, and I just want to give it and build my own new world. This world is the one of the 'new human,' the one that shares and gives freedom to the beloved people that he or she has.

Summarizing that month I share "La Femme Sans Haine." Ismael Lo.

September / Setembre / Septiembre - 2010

2011-02-20T02:14:00.000-08:00

September / Setembre / Septiembre

To Liz & María Fernanda.

The age brings some extra knowledge and with it we give a chance to some feelings that before that moment were forbidden. In my life that have happened more than once with women. The way I am in some ages of life is hard to understand. People usually look at me as an strange human, at least as someone out of the common standard. Then, when I meet a woman and flirt or just like her because she has something special nothing happen. The cases were that they got married, they got divorced, they are right there somewhere in the world. However, after a long time of friendship, an enormous time of love we can talk about on that pathetic verb tense of, "What if..." or "We had something..." I always say, "no we didn't have something, we still have it, but we have to change many things." The stories are written this way, what do you want to do to accomplish them. It could be now or it could be in 10 years. Real life occurs today.

Summarizing that month I share "Next Time." Soan

August / Agost / Agosto - 2010

2011-02-13T09:41:00.000-08:00

August / Agost / Agosto

To My Women in Catalonia.

The first thing I have to say is that the most beautiful women of the world live in Catalonia. I am talking about physical beauty because the other is all over the world of women. However, I have found too many girls with an enormous feeling of intimacy, with a great open mind and the will of having a friendship. It is also a shame, being a man that some of them don't like men, but it is no problem to have confidence and a deeply engagement with our friendship. Catalonia has showed me how a small world can be created and enjoyed with friends. Here, if you have a friend it is forever. My women in Catalonia are so kind and comprehensive that when they fall or they are sad I am always with them.

Summarizing that month I share "Corren." Gossos.

July / Juliol / Julio - 2010

2011-02-12T05:33:00.000-08:00

July / Juliol / Julio

To Ann.

Sometimes love means a deep respect of the others choice and a lack of expectations. The other day I watched a TV program in which a guy said, "I met my wife because a friend presented us. After two or three times I new she was the person with whom I could build a life". He was not talking about a high passion, he was seeing everything from his religious point of view. To me what was really important was that he or they were interested on building together. We met people with whom we know we can build. However, sometimes there is not an opportunity to do it, or to say it. Now, I just realize the root of together: to get there. I do not know if it is the real one, but I hope it is. I have this deep feeling of love, this respect, this lack of expectations, but a huge need of fight, a high compromise with my words, and a real purpose of change. That is love, my love for you.

Summarizing that month I share "I Could Have Lied." Red Hot Chilli Pepper.

June / Juny / Junio - 2010

2011-02-06T12:02:00.000-08:00

June / Juny / Junio

To My Women in Boston.

The women I met physically in Boston or virtually were different from the usual women I have met. The most interesting characteristic is that they were almost all of them teachers or professors. I was thinking about it. What I can imagine is that women have a long teaching career since the beginning of the human life. They have been teaching children since then. I like it. I think that usually many of them do it great. However, there are exceptions as always. Even though I have to say that the ones I have had in Boston were kind and very good teachers. The only thing that maybe I can regret now is the lack of communication with them. I suppose that they are used to meet many people and let them go. I am not, and I still love them and I still try to have contact. I will try all my life because I want to do it.

Summarizing that month I share "Aquí No Es Así." Caifanes.

May / Maig / Mayo - 2010

2011-01-30T05:53:00.000-08:00

May / Maig / Mayo

To My Women in Mexico City.

The guy flying is a kind of doll. It is at the Museum of Art in Boston. The importance of the guy is just that he represents what we usually do not do: fly away. I mean that we are too tight to many restrictions imposed by other groups or by ourselves. Then, sometimes to let us be, to try a new strange things, to try new people that maybe is against what was imposed does not let us enjoy our life. Since 2008 that I left Mexico City none of my friends have visited me. Either Catalonia or America has not been places where my friends have come. However, there are many women that I love in Mexico City, from my sister Andi through my beloved Liz and her daughter Maria Fernanda. My women in Mexico are great women that I love.

Summarizing that month I share "Déjalo Ir." Benny Ibarra.

April / Abril / Abril - 2010

2011-01-29T07:05:00.000-08:00

April / Abril / Abril

To My Women in Morelia.

In April 2010 I flew to Boston to have a year of thinking. However, before that flight I visited some places that I like and love: Morelia, México, Avinyó, Paris, Figueres, Hamburg, etcetera. In Morelia, that I can say is my hometown, even though I did not born there, I recovered some of my childhood friends. A few years ago we did a party to see the people from 20 years before. It was nice. Some of that people did not change, some others did it. Some of the girls that found me on the net told me once, "We thought that if you speak like you write it is very difficult to understand you." They were reading an article that I did for four years about a Martian that lands in Mexico City. It described the Mexican culture and criticized it with irony. However, I did not speak like that, but what is true is that I am a martian for a lot of people. The year in Boston made me to appreciate and to love me as I am. In April 2010 the year of cleaning my soul began.

Summarizing that month I share "Te Odio." Los Seis Días.

March / Març / Marzo - 2010

2011-01-27T09:36:00.000-08:00

March / Març / Marzo

To Glòria, Ex's, and the 2WGF (the byke).

The girl that is reflected in the train's window was gorgeous. I was sat during my trip from Paris to Avignon, and the girl came in and sat there in front of me. Europeans are strange, they never say hello or anything, it is difficult to begin a conversation. So I was there with my camera and I knew that if I ask her to take a photo the answer was no. I could not miss the opportunity of having a picture to remind me that moment. Then, I put the camera pointing to the window and made some pictures. She was astonished thinking about my photos to the windows. In the end of the trip I showed her this picture, I said, "C'est Toi," and she just said, "Oui." We left the train with different directions. But months later I realized that some of the pictures that I took of her were beautiful. Just as she was.

Summarizing that month I share "Allí Dónde Solíamos Gritar." Love of Lesbian.

February / Febrer / Febrero - 2010

2011-01-26T04:01:00.000-08:00

February / Febrer / Febrero

To Su.

One of the first times I saw her in Mexico she told me, "you don't belong to that world." She was talking about my job and my life in general, it included my girlfriend. Since then we have had a awesome friendship. When I separated from the girl and I was lost she was there. After I quit my job and went to Boston she left also the company, and asked me if I was interested on working for them. She meant that if I went back from Boston to Barcelona. Now, I am going to work for them in Barcelona. She is like my little sister eight years ago when she was 21 and she is one of the most wonderful woman I have ever met.

PS. The picture was taken in february 2010 in Figueres, Catalonia. The sun clock is near the Casa-Museu Dalí.

Summarizing that month I share "Rompecabezas." Los Concorde.

January / Gener / Enero - 2010

2011-01-25T07:22:00.000-08:00

January / Gener / Enero

To My Family.

To the women of my life.

There has been a long time since I chose the double bass as my instrument. I do not play it well, but it is in my soul and in my heart for a lot of reasons. The image was taken before taking a boat from Pátzcuaro to Janitzio (a Mexican island in the Pátzcuaro Lake). The instrument laying down is from a Tex-Mex trio that plays in restaurants and streets over there. During that moment I was with my nephews: Pau and Gerard. We were having fun together before my trip to Barcelona.

Summarizing that month I share "Después de las Diez." Lieber Terán.

328 - Birthday Gift: To All of You

2011-01-22T16:06:00.000-08:00

New York, New York, USA. 2010.

To You.

There is a folklore custom in Catalonia that I like. It is that when is one's birthday during the celebration that person has to invite a drink or something to all the others. I like it very much because is a kind of recognition of the intimacy with friends and family. Today is my birthday and even though that I am not near no many of my people I give them this post. My people are there somewhere and I have just to tell them (to tell you if you are reading) how much I love you.

This was my year in photos. It is not about the beauty of them but the significance that they have to me, to some of you, and to all of us together.

January / Gener / Enero

To My Family.

To the women of my life.

Summarizing that month I share "Después de las Diez." Lieber Terán.

February / Febrer / Febrero

To Su.

Summarizing that month I share "Rompecabezas ." Los Concorde.

March / Març / Marzo

To Glòria, Ex's, and the 2WGF (the byke).

Summarizing that month I share "Allí Dónde Solíamos Gritar." Love of Lesbian.

April / Abril / Abril

To My Women in Morelia.

Summarizing that month I share "Te Odio." Los Seis Días.

May / Maig / Mayo

To My Women in Mexico City.

Summarizing that month I share "Déjalo Ir." Benny Ibarra.

June / Juny / Junio

To My Women in Boston.

Summarizing that month I share "Aquí No es Así." Caifanes.

July / Juliol / Julio

To Ann.

Summarizing that month I share "I Could Have Lied." Red Hot Chilli Pepper.

August / Agost / Agosto

To My Women in Catalonia.

Summarizing that month I share "Corren." Gossos.

September / Setembre / Septiembre

To Liz & María Fernanda.

Summarizing that month I share "Next Time." Soan

October / Octubre / Octubre

To Mamá, Ren, Andi & Sapo.

Summarizing that month I share "La Femme Sans Haine." Ismael Lo.

November / Novembre / Noviembre

To My Special and Beloved Ones.

Summarizing that month I share "Lindas Criaturitas." Aleks Syntek.

December / Decembre / Diciembre

To Sussen My Grandma.

Summarizing that month I share "Desapariciones." Maná

2011

January / Gener / Enero

To the Lesbian in a Man's Body: Me and Myself

Summarizing that month I share "Don't Let Me Be Misunderstood." Yusuf Islam.

22 - Lebanese Roots

2011-01-21T06:46:00.000-08:00

Tehuacán, Puebla, México. 2010.

22 before 22.

To my family and all my "extended" family.

The guy above are one side of my family. These ones can be in a photo, but the other side cannot because they are (or we are) like rabbits. Though, to take the picture of the other side I need a football field. However, I have to say that inside my genealogy there are, depending on each one believes two things: Adam and Eve or monkeys and a guy called Charles Darwin. Nevertheless, if I do not go too far there are three or four different kinds of humans: Mexican indigenous, Spaniards, Frenches, and the Lebanese. My grandmother is Mexican but both parents were from Lebanon and not too far from there there is a Maronite Saint in my Family: Saint Charbel Majluf. The most important of my families is that I know they are there with me, and they will be always there.

My grandmother Sussen is almost 90 years old, and since a long time ago I call her once in a while. My aunt is who takes care of here and a long time ago she told me, "Every time that you call Sussen she gets really happy. It is like if her boyfriend calls her." That comment made me do it even often. It is something I can do and it gives happiness to a person I love. The last 10 years I have called her from time to time. I also call my parents, each week, I have not live with them the last 20 years, but the last 10 I have called them almost each week. Also, I try to do it with my sisters. That is what I can give to my family. They are my roots, they conceptualize what I am.

As I have said my family can be Adam and Eve or monkeys (Some of the people in my family look alike or act like that, LOL :-). What is important of this comment is that in my case, I have somewhere on the branches of my genealogical tree many things. We all have many things, but a lot of us deny it. Lately, I have heard a lot of ethnocentric comments, from the different religion matters through the race ones. Yes, It is possible that I have a monkey hanging on a branch of my family, but what I say when someone is talking about "Sudacas," "Moros" or "Latins" is that I am all of them. What I am saying here is that I have seen too many people segregating too many people. Maybe, the best thing of this Internet technology is that everybody can be here without a huge segregation. However, there are many places that are dedicated to segregate in the web.

A few weeks ago, last year though, Ann asked me if everything was exchangeable and trustworthiness. It is not that strong. The issue is that people cannot do some things just because the "others" are different. Our beliefs are right or wrong depending who is analyzing them. When someone segregates someone else because the difference on their believes. Once in her house there was a girl from Madrid that told me, "All that Catalans have to be killed," or something similar. I have principles and these kind of comments, these kind of people are not near to me ever. However, I can try to understand that vision I cannot approve it. That is segregation, that is something I am against of. Something similar happened with a Catalan from Valencia, he was being segregationist with a girl from Almeria. I was with the girl because there is no right of anyone to segregate another person.

This thought comes from a long story of my family. My grandmother stopped speaking Arabic because her friends when she was a child laughed on her. They said, "your parents speak like dogs," and my grandma lost the Arabic. All my family lost that language because of segregation. We can defend on some level our believes. We can believe a lot of things, but what I think could be wrong, what anyone can think could be wrong, and the most important thing is that no one has to die because of anyone else believes. Lets share this world and our believes. Lets just do it and try to be together.

Soundtrack:

"Stand by Me." Oasis.

"(Just Like) Starting Over." John Lennon.

21 - Reflexions

2011-01-20T00:40:00.000-08:00

Watertown, Massachusetts, USA. 2010.

Per la Sílvia Gaya.

Ten years ago Silvia was leaving Barcelona because she had a dream of helping people. She went to Senegal and work there for an organization. We met in Barcelona and when she was looking for money to do her dream I was unemployed. I did an effort and gave her what I could. She did right and accomplish her dream. Years later she was part of the UN and I left Barcelona unemployed.

After that I went to Mexico to work. It is a place where I do not need any document more than being there to work. It is my country. One day I had an email from Silvia's friend saying that she was shot and I followed her case. She survived and went to New York to work. After a while she felt the need of helping people on the field. Now, she is in Zambia and she had a little daughter from there.

Yesterday I sent a message to the electronic world and she answered. She told me, "You can also shout," and I did so. The Jarabe de Palo song called "Shout" talks about doing it when someone feels that the world is crumbling. It is about friendship, about being there even when you are not physically. It was a good reflection of the electronic world and its possibilities. Some times we are near people and no one helps, no one cares, but there is this other world where some people help and care.

This is my reflection of the electronic world. My Catalan friends are "reflexions" of what a friendship and love means. They can be honored with the Exceptionally Beautiful People Blessing. They are always there even when the world crumbles and I am feeling sad.

Soundtrack:

"Grita." Jarabe de Palo.

"Wish You Were Here." Pink Floyd.

20 - Fall

2011-01-19T13:35:00.000-08:00

Boston, Massachusetts, USA. 2010.

When an angel falls is because something in this world has finished. The fall last almost nothing, but the problem is when what falls lands.

Soundtrack:

"How can I fall?" Jed Madela.

19 - Three Seasons

2011-01-19T01:31:00.000-08:00

Boston, Massachusetts, USA. 2010.

The summary of this time is that the words are becoming something that has fly away from the public. What is needed is to work outside of any eyes, outside of this electronic world, out of the screen. The words will be inside of a project a new one in my heart.

The end of the year has come and in a few days I will begun this new project. It needs the electronic silence to become a shout of love and words.

Soundtrack:

"Déjate Caer." Juan Son (Original Los Tres).

18 - Friends

2011-01-18T08:42:00.000-08:00

Wells, Maine, USA. 2010.

The long days are here. I have a lot of time to do nothing but wait. I am desperate to do something. A mind like mine has always to be working. It is not about deep thoughts, it is about having things to think and be in peace. These days I have two thoughts and I think about them over and over. My patience is almost none and my monsters are coming again. However, I have seen some friends and that makes me have a little bit of peace.

Seeing friends during hard times is something that always makes people feel right. For example, a few days after my arrival I saw Orland, he was sad because he broke with his girlfriend. Now, I am having a hard time and I am seeing friends. Indeed, I will see Orland, Xavi and some others. When it is possible to tell to friends about problems, monsters, sadness and fears it is nice to know that even that they cannot change anything they are there. A friend does anything for a friend. Sometimes everything means nothing but being an ear, a hand to hold or these paragraphs that make me thing about another thing.

Soundtrack:

"Ouvrez Les Frontières." Tiken Jah Fakoly.

17 - She

2011-01-16T12:28:00.000-08:00

Washington, DC, USA. 2010.

Her voice crossed the noise of the street. It went over the night. She shouted my name while I was walking with my bike far from the bus stop. I turned and said her name. She was looking the floor and turning back to the bus that was waiting. That moment was special for me. She tried to break the silence between us, and finally she returned to it.

She took the bus and went away to a party. I knew it and did not do anything to change her will. She had this ambivalence: fear and interest. She could solve it. I could help. However, I respected her will, took my bike, and went back home with an strange feeling of sadness and love. She tried hard to be herself, and I appreciate that the most because that feature of her is what matters. Her definition of herself is what makes her the woman she is. The woman that attracted me and made me think about a different life.

There are some moments in our lives when something can change forever. Somehow we can do something, we can run away from some strange behavior that we did before. Maybe, it is a betrayal against the usual way of doing things. Maybe is the opportunity to change the path of our lives. However, we do not do it. It is possible that the fear is bigger than our feeling of change. It is possible that we bet the destiny, the future, and try to imagine our life after that. Who knows what would happened?

Soundtrack:

"Shout." Tears for Fears.

"She Talks to Angels." The Black Crows.

16 - SS: Snow Squares - Short Story

2011-01-14T15:58:00.000-08:00

Watertown, Massachusetts, USA. 2010

The beginning of the winter brought back that moment when we were three friends with the same problem: We all were in love of a girl that did not love us. At that moment, it was hard for all of us. We tried everything with each girls, but as I noticed after that facts that we were silly, we were good guys, we were trying to be the best and most comprehensive men of the world. It was a mistake. They did not want feminine guys, they have girl friends to have so, they wanted this kind of man force, and we were against it.

There were several girls around us. We called them The Queens. Each of them had a special name: The Unique and Real Carnival Queen, The Guacarock Queen, The Queen N-ka 47, The Queen of the White Dress and so on. The names were taken from a feature that came from their behavior or what we saw as their behavior or body. It was a simple silly men thing. It was the Kingdom of the Queens and the Toads.

We could be the toads, but we were not. The Toad Legion was build with all the other girls. The ones we dislike. There were a lot of stories for each of us. The main part was that even that we like The Queens they did not like us.

During the three or four years of relation between us, we changed Queens. There was no joke. However, it was something as a Gentlemen Code: If someone likes a Queen the other cannot try anything with her. In some cases the rule even that was not broken in presence it was in mind. At least, we tried to stay aside from the Queen meanwhile we were sharing the work.

One day JB was interested in the Guacarock Queen. She was a friend of both, and he was thinking about joking, but not really having something serious. I asked him to stop and not harm the girl. She was my friend and I did not like to see her sad. JB did so, and nothing happened between them. My respect of friendship is always above any sort of joke or mistake if is possible to stop it.

Years after that JE liked that Queen, JB was in platonic love with The Queen of the White Dress, who I was in love before with no success, and I was in love with the Queen N-ka 47. Each of us tried a lot of things to make them love us. Indeed, in some cases we talked to the other’s Queen to push them. Our help was helpless. None of us could gain anything from them for months and months. We lived seen other guys flirting and succeeding instead of us.

Coyoacan’s Sanborn was the restaurant to share our debacles. Also the coffee shop El Jarocho gave us the hot chocolate to share this adventures. Some of these episodes were share with The Queen of the White Dress, and were called Itacate Night. This name is the one I chose for my novel. During this time all of us were a little happy. We went forward and backward from time to time.

Finally, one day my Queen accepted me as a boyfriend and I was happy. This period could be a special story, but for now I can say that I was happy. However, after a while I went to Barcelona to study. The effort with her ended there with no possibilities. Less than a month after my travel to Barcelona we broke up. I was alone and sad in Barcelona.
Here, I was working online for the same company. Part of the travel and my complete master was paid like that. But when I went to Barcelona, the Queen’s friendship finished JE went to work to another company. Some of the Queens had boyfriends, and went to work outside from the company we used to work.

Finally, one day during a chat with someone, a mutual friend of JE told me that he was dating the Queen N-k 47 or at least trying. I did not get mad, but a little sad. It is always nice to know from a friend that he is dating the girl you used to date. At least my Gentlemen’s Code says that. It is not to argue, it is to respect the other’s pain. He did not say anything, just some words in a gift.

The N-k 47 went to Barcelona with some friends. She stood with my landlord and me, in the apartment we shared. We had some nice nights in Barcelona. The thing was that she brought a gift from JE. It was a book and it had some words inside. The text said strange things, like trying to explain him self. The Queen read it and got nervous. I realize the issue, but did not care. It was something old.

After that, some years later I went back to Mexico. I met JE, JB and some other friends from the Queen’s Empire. The time had done its work and I was clean from any pain. I gave JE a book with a text. It was something to say, “nothing had happened.” However, it was the last time I saw him. Well, not exactly I saw him more than once but he never said, “hi.” It was strange.

Now, ten years after that moment I cannot understand what happened? It was strange because a mutual friend told me once that “when you come to my house and JE is here, he leaves,” I could not understand the behavior. I did not do anything. I just tried to understand that they were free at that moment, and they had the chance of having a small moment of love.

It hurt me but I was not the owner of anything. I was part of a past with many shared feelings. The past has to be always there in the past. We have to forgive, and to delete some things to survive. If all the humans try to forgive or at least to delete some of the bad behaviors of the others, this world would be something more beautiful.

Soundtrack:

"She Loves Me Not." Papa Roach.

"Butterfly." Crazy Town.

15 - The Road

2011-01-13T01:37:00.000-08:00

L'Espelt, Barcelona, Catalunya. 2011.

When a person is traveling, or better immigrating, there is something on the challenge of the new place that hurts. The roads where the immigrant walks by are difficult because they have the difficulty of being an alien, an stranger, or at least different in documents. There is a syndrome called Ulises' Syndrome, in English they call it "homesick". However, it is not just a problem between home it is about the things you expect and the things you lost. The mix between home and the new place develops a strange feeling, it is also a mix of joy and hate, a kind of nostalgia that in Portuguese is called 'saudade.'

New places have the features of the unknown, everything seems new, everything has to be discovered. However, after a few weeks the immigrant notice the good things and the bad, the loses and the profits. I have been in Barcelona many times, it is like my second hometown. I feel it like that. Indeed, sometimes I feel that it is more my country than Mexico, but I am always from South America. Many people here say that I am from here, I have heard people with 'racist' comments against people from South America and Arabic countries in front of me, when I said that I am like them, they deny it. But I am, my great grandmother was from Lebanon and I am from Mexico. The fact is that. Though, the problem of the immigrant is not that it is more about measuring loses and profits.

Usually when a person immigrates is because the place where he or she is from does not offer the possibilities of development that are need it. There are two kind of needs on immigrants: basic and complex. The difference is easy to describe one describes poverty and the others intellectual needs (sometimes just stupidity). I am in the second one and near the third description. Furthermore, I am still seeking my road, even that I have found what I want I have to wait to implement it. My needs are intellectual and spiritual.

I can not stand without an intellectual challenge. I always need it. My life goes between thinking, reading and writing. Furthermore, my father always says that he can hear our brain working (he talks about my mother, sisters and me). Finally, there is the spiritual need. I do not have a religion, I did not learn any of them. However, I need that feeling of love that belongs to religion. It is like the mother's love (mother crow that always things that the little crows are beautiful) that is always there, no matter what. So, I have found my intellectual needs almost everywhere, they can be accomplished easily. The spiritual are different I have to learn how to feel them. There is a lack of interest of people to teach that without imposition.

Now, I am looking to find the root o my spiritual needs and try to accomplish my goals in the intellectual field. My pathway is not finished. It has many exits, but this year I think I am going to close both the intellectual and the spiritual. It is my goal now. Now, that I am doing changes and beginning new things It is the moment to do it.

Soundtrack:

"El Camí." Santjosex.

"Camino." Los Tres.

"The Road." Frank Turner.

14 - Quijote

2011-01-11T07:28:00.000-08:00

Igualada, Barcelona, Catalunya. 2011.

We do things to accomplish something. For example, I was studying classical guitar to become a musician. I sang if that is what the punk movement call the shouting they do and then I began to play the bass guitar. I was upset because what I was studying was the guitar, but my knowledge was poor and the bass was a good beginning. My sister boyfriend lend me a double electric bass and I began to try it. However, I read Patrick Süskind's The Double Bass and I got in love with the instrument. I have never played it right, but it was the concept of the instrument, the low sound, the image of everything around it what made me change the instrument.

There has been a long time since then and I have still love the instrument. I have the strange need of learning the instrument. The love story of the book touch me deeply. I tried to learn the instrument but between all the things that I do I have not given the time need it. A few months ago I met a girl that was a double bassist and it was amazing to know someone that was it. It also got my dreams. I imagine like the Quijote a story. It was all the way around. I mean in Süskind's story the guy is in love of a soprano singer, and he thinks about the different composition for both. In my dream there was this dream of sharing the same things, the bass, the books, and other many things that I have seen during this time.

I recall the Quijote because he fights wind turbines, and I found a few days ago the new ones. I thought that I am fighting a dream. Maybe, as he did at the novel it is something impossible, but it is a dream and I fight my dreams forever. I am still fighting to learn the double bass, French, and perhaps the PhD. They all are a dream, with its impossibilities, with their hopes, and I am going to fight forever. Furthermore, I am not trying, I never try I do things. Possibly I will have mistakes trying to accomplish this dreams, but I will try because it is what I want to do. I am building my life, just like everyone, and know is a moment of change.

My dreams as the Quijote's one will remain until the end of time. My time is now, today this years living.

Soundtrack:

"Der Kontrabass." Peter Brucha (Book by Patrick Süskind).

"Two Steps Behind." Def Leppard.

"Hoy Quisiera Que Estuvieras Aquí". Rostros Ocultos (Feat. Alejandra Guzmán)

"Tu Luz." Azul Violeta.

"Bass Suite #1." Feat. Someone (original Avishai Cohen)

13 - Road Movie Barcelona

2011-01-09T14:45:00.000-08:00

L'Espelt, Barcelona, Catalunya. 2011.

Roads over the world are full of signs. Some of them in languages from the place, some others in English or in the language of signs. It is not about deaf people, it is about understanding each other as a society. The signs everywhere change and in Europe they have done a standard to have an easy mobility between countries. I am from Mexico and the signs we use in highways and roads are different, similar to the Americans' ones. However, this signs are not important to this post, it is just a metaphor of the human signs, the ones that are not said directly. The signs of a non verbal, or verbal but not directly written.

Non verbal communication is one of the biggest problems of humans. Each cultures have signs and read them differently. However, there are some parts of this communication that could be understood is deeply analyzed and seen as part of the others behavior. For example a nervous stage of a person is easy to be perceived. Indeed such kind of behavior usually makes nervous the people around. The feelings of love or impossibility of love are others that are easy to find out. There are this little signs, a minimal movement of the body, eyes or mood that gives the hint to understand the sign. It is important to notice that if we verbalized this kind of feelings or we ask about it, usually the people involved deny it.

Communication Science has studied many kind of paradigms to explain the process of communication. However, there has been an essential lack of feelings analysis. There is not a human communication process without a feeling. Each communication has a feeling of love, need, we ask for help, and many more things. The face to face communication has many hints of this kind, but in a written document, in an email is easy to find an expression of feelings or at least the feelings that are hidden as part of a written piece. There are people that still think that in a Computer-mediated environment is a lack of feelings. However, written communication with different expressions, different kind of structures show many things that sometimes a person does not want to show.

Feelings are something that usually give an alteration to any kind of communication. What it is suppose to be said is not exactly said. Indeed, what it is suppose to be understood is not understood because at both sides there is partiality. Humans are ontologically bias. The way we think is different between one and other, and the feelings we have are also different. We perceive the world with different background and what we usually try to do is to make the other think as we do. However, it is more interesting to disagree, but trying to understand the others. We share one world even though it seems to be different.

Soundtrack:

"Feelings." Nina Simone.

"Feeling the Moment." Feeder.

"Boig per Tu." Sau.

12 - Places

2011-01-08T08:45:00.000-08:00

Hamburgo, Alemania. 2010

Boston, Massachusetts, USA. 2010

Between Igualada and Barcelona, Catalunya. 2010

Ciutadella, Menorca, Països Catalans. 2010

A few weeks ago detachment was an interesting topic. What are the things that give us that glue that attach us to things. Many people usually is attached to money, goods that have created or build, people that are near, family, beliefs and anything else. There are a few people that are detached to almost anything. However, there always something that makes people have this feeling of need, love or belonging that changes the way we see things.

Many people for example in Catalonia are attached to their land. The phrase says "Little Country, But Beautiful" (País petit però bonic) and it is beautiful. However, the world is bigger and there are many things to appreciate. People at any place are really the 'thing' that matters. When I left Boston, there was many things of the city that were nice and beloved. But what really make me have a sigh are the people, my friends.

The feeling that is built among people is the must important of everything. We, as the Americans say, "the people" are what make us social. The feeling of love is between two people. The feeling of community is among people. Any kind of deep feeling of love is related to a person with a relation to another person or group of people. The most difficult thing to leave behind are people. They are the only reason to be or not in a place. If there is nobody in Timbuktu it could have the best weather, the best beaches, the best meals, but there is nothing to belong to. There is no people then, there is no community for me. I can leave anything, but the people are what really hurt. They are what is important to me, and what gives a reason to be part of something, and love.

Soundtrack:

"People." Barbra Streisand.

"Mi Gente." Marc Anthony (Original Hector Lavoe).

11 - Squares' detail

2011-01-05T15:25:00.000-08:00

Igualada, Barcelona, Catalunya. 2010

Morelia, Michoacán, México. 2010.

Cambridge, Massachusetts, USA. 2010.

Boston, Massachusetts, USA. 2010.

I have been delaying this post because I have no time and I have no force to write this days. It is the change and all the things that came with them. Lately, it is a pleasure to see friends and to try to deal with the real life. Now, I am trying to "catch the carrot" ("Correteando la chuleta" is what we said in Mexico) and I thing is going very well. The carrot is a way to survive and have everydays' meals. So I am on it.

In Barcelona there is a really nice festivity on January 5th. The "Kings of Middle East" the ones that gave to Jesus Christ his gifts come here and give the gifts to little kids. A long time ago I saw them arrive to the harbor and Barcelona's major received them. Then, there was a parade on the city and all the people, primarily families and kids saw them. In some places in Catalonia there is a different story.

For example in Igualada, a little city 60 km (37 miles) from Barcelona the Kings come and their followers called "patges" give the gifts to the little kids. This guys were told about the good and bad things of the kids, so before the gifts they talk about the things to improve. It is a nice custom of the Catalan folklore. Finally, the kids have the gifts and the Christmas season ends.

A long time ago, before I was born, the Kings brought a really nice gift to my elder sister. They gave her another sister and that fact make the gift the most important at my sister's school. What toy or gift can win against a newborn? None, there is no way. Renée was the winner at that time. I am the younger, but there is always this feeling of having a huge gift. My sister Andi was our greatest gift from the Middle East Kings and we still enjoy that gift. We are proud of that gift that is my sister and we hope to have it forever.

Happy Birthday Andi!

Soundtrack:

"Los Reyes Magos." Televisión Española.

"La Navidad de Luis." Leon Gieco.

10 - Mondays' Sunbath

2011-01-03T09:36:00.000-08:00

Somewhere near Puebla, México. 2009

This year like the last two I have done many kilometers during my visit to Mexico. There were approximately 2000 Km (1300 miles) among 4 different cities in the middle of Mexico. Now, I am here in my little country: Catalonia (País petit, però bonic / It is a little country, but lovely). Today is Monday the first of this year and I am looking for a Job. The name of this post is because there is a movie call Monday's Sunbath (Los Lunes al Sol) and it is about unemployed people that have a hard time on Mondays because it is the beginning of a work week.

I hope I will not have the same bad luck. However, I will work to have a job and continue with my life here in Barcelona. I have post the pictures of two Mexican volcanoes because they are part of my sight during my travels in Mexico. The Popocatepetl (also known as Don Goyo) and the Iztaccíhuatl have this magic realism of my country. The first one is like a guy with the smoke going out and saying things to my people. The Iztaccíhuatl that means 'The Sleeping Woman' has this story of a princess laying down, and waiting for her man, a warrior.

Many things in Mexico are magic. Even surviving there is magic. I cannot understand how we do it. All the chaos around it, all the bad manners of my people, and we still live. I have chosen to stay away from that, it was my choice a few years ago and I am going to keep it. It is my will to live in a better way, and there is almost impossible to do it.

This Monday is special to me because I feel great, and I do not have fear of what I am facing. Maybe, my dreams have a high cost on many senses, but I can affort it, I want a do it, and I will work to have them. It is like that crazy saying:

I will go out of this world alive (Saldré vivo de este mundo)

Soundtrack:

"Monday Morning." Fleetwood Mac (Live in Boston).

"Los Lunes al Sol." Fernando León de Aranoa. Trailer.

"Lunes." Pastora.

09 - Cat: My Beautiful People

2011-01-01T12:55:00.000-08:00

Cambridge, Massachusetts, USA. 2010

A year shared with exceptional people like you

At the end of 2009 I was a little lost and I decided to go to Boston. I was trying to rearrange my life and to have a new beginning. I was a little lost and my goals were also lost in a foggy view. 2010 was the finish of a hard moment in my life, and I did many things that made me feel alive again. I met people, I traveled around many places, and I loved people, my people: You.

Now, it is the first day of the year and I am doing what I like to do, even thought that it is not what I do better. However, I like it and I do it with the mistakes of a person who does thinks not to have mistakes, but to feel that is alive. Humans who do things have mistakes, and humans that do not do anything are perfect. I prefer to be part of the imperfection…

The 9 months in Boston were full of new knowledge. People from everywhere shared things and thoughts and moments that I cannot forget. We learn from every person we met, and there are all these special people that give you the opportunity of learning more than the usual. All of them were important this year, and are going to be important all my life. My friend Julien from Ivory Coast says that I have the memory of an elephant, and people say that they have a memory of the size of their body.

When I arrived to Boston I met many students that I have shared something with. From the Clement with the first comment about my age and the lovely teacher we had together. Then my little brother-son Yosuke with whom I shared many moments of solitude as part of what I call “extended family” (my friends), and we both grew together. I saw beautiful things like the first time Bayasgalan saw the sea, and it was startling to see the emotions around her. There were many people from the school, universities and my Bostonian home.

The first steps were difficult and the first day in Boston I got lost going back home. Charlie saved and picked me up from the same road in Belmont and took me to his house in Watertown. Then, Maryann, Pepper and Angel showed me things about friendship that I cannot forget. At the school there was Lovely Ann with her consistency, literary complicity and the kind intimacy that she creates always. Riva who was like a sister that made me stay with one foot at the soil and the other in the sky. There were people that without very much time have made a great moment with me: Rena, Tara, Alex, Bart, Emily, Keiko, and so on. Many people at EF gave a moment of peace.

Finally, during my visits at Harvard, the MIT and NESOP I found people that were opened to friendship and teach me many things. Professor Sherry Turkle that gave me a very kind advice, and Karen Gardner that gave me feedback and support during the application. My friends at the Continuing Education at Harvard and the ones at NESOP: Jeff, Sangeeth, Kristin, Jane, Don, Emily and all the others that taught me many things with their work during the different classes. It was a great time and pleasure to learn from you.

2011 is going to be a year of challenges. Now, I have to “catch the carrot” because is running fast and I have to catch it everyday like I have been doing the last 20 years. However, there is this possibility of going back to Boston and I will build not a dream, but a new life. One day during this time I said to Ann, “Our choices are a definition of what we are, and I have chosen you,” to be part of my life because even if I cannot make it and go back to Boston, you will be part of my memories and my dreams.

I hope to meet you again one of these days during this year or this life. Thank you all because what you gave me by teaching or just by living near to me is what matters to me.

You are my people, my “extended family”, and a very good reason to build, share and live each moment with a deep feeling of love.

Take care and good luck to all. This year and every year is important because you are here!

Sincerely

Pablo Cruz

PS. A friend of mine told me that I do not need any validation. Even though, I think sometimes I need it, and some of you gave me that. If someday you need validation I am here for you: Validation.

PS2. I will have you in my mind. I will think about you all, “Here Without You.”

PS3. One of the most beautiful things of this year I found it reading about Jews and it is the Jews blessing upon seeing exceptionally beautiful people, trees, or fields. I can say that beauty is not outside, but inside and you all have it: Exceptionally Beautiful People.

08 - Before the Night

2011-01-01T12:16:00.000-08:00

Menorca, Països Catalans. 2010

Sobre las hojas volamos

Llevo más de 3 meses pensando que escribiría el primer día del año, y la verdad es que han pasado muchas cosas, demasiadas cosas este año que como siempre tengo que hacer un pequeño resumen. Hace días que me van llegando buenos deseos de mi papá, de Liz García, y cartas enternecedoras a los reyes magos de Su y sus vivencias del 2010. Todos hemos vivido cosas bellas y horrorosas, supongo y como le decía a Orland, posiblemente las cosas no salen como uno quisiera, pero el nuevo siempre será mejor porque es el que vivimos.

El 2010 fue un año genial para mí, hice cosas que me han cambiado la vida, me dieron nuevos sueños y me llevaron a amaestrar un poco mis propios monstruos. Parece fácil, pero ha sido duro y difícil.

Las sensaciones de este año han sido variadas, una de las que me ha perseguido por años fue la de rechazo, la de diferencia, la de sentir cierta segregación, y en este año no fue más sencillo, sin embargo, gracias a personas que conocí y que me hicieron sentir el “rechazo” de una manera diferente, logré a cierto nivel tomar un poco de seguridad. Esa seguridad que Liz Estévez siempre me ha pedido que tenga y que como dijeran los de Manel en las “Corrandes d’una Parella Estable”: M’ha costat Déu i ajuda arribar fins aquí” (Me ha costado Dios y ayuda llegar hasta aquí).

Así, en la soledad de Boston, en la diferencia con personas que quiero y era imposible acercarse por diferentes razones tanto “legales”, “creencias” y “diferencias” de opinión, logré sobre pasar mis propios miedos. Lo que logré en los largos días de bicicleta y cámara fotográfica entre Watertown, Brighton, Boston y pueblos cercanos fue el sobrevivir y amar a pesar de los vientos en contra.

En este camino durante la última clase que tuve con mi adorada Ann Glazer escribí lo que sería lo que quiero para mi vida, por qué estoy aquí, por qué seguir adelante y lo que salió fue lo siguiente:

I am here to love, to express, and to inspire my people to do the small efforts to love our people, make them happy, and have a better world.
Supositorio CCLII © Pablo Cruz Angón

(Estoy aquí para amar, expresar e inspirar a mi gente a hacer esos pequeños esfuerzos para amar a nuestra gente, hacerlos felices y tener un mundo mejor)

Lo hice “Supositorio” porque es una frase que define lo que es importante para mí: Ustedes, este mundo y el conjunto de ambos que es Nuestro Mundo.

Este año como en todos los años he tenido errores, he lastimado a personas, he hecho cosas de las que si bien no me arrepiento, pudiera haberlas hecho de otra forma. Soy humano y me equivoco. En la última charla con Ann le decía que yo decidí hacer cosas y que esto lleva al error humano a equivocarnos. Prefiero hacer cosas y equivocarme que no hacer nada y no equivocarme. Los que hacemos cosas, los que apostamos nuestra vida aunque sea un poco tenemos errores, tal vez terribles y que nos cuestan, pero podremos decir como Pablo Neruda “Confieso que he vivido”.

Así pues, este año cumplí muchos objetivos. Objetivos que a principio de año ni siquiera lo eran. Otros cuantos se quedaron en el tintero: La novela sin terminar, dejar de fumar, pacificar la relación con mi ex, no lastimar a nadie (Y es que como dicen en las películas: “It is imposible not to have casualties”), y bueno, se hacen intentos pero hay cosas que aunque la intención no basta, al menos no existe dolo en ellas.

Los objetivos que no tenía y cumplí a cierto nivel fueron: soñar que todo es posible y hacer que las cosas sucedan; amar aunque no sea correspondido y que amor es más puro que el que no espera y da sin pedir a cambio; aprender de las creencias de los demás y transformar mi propio pensamiento; derrocar mis estereotipos y aceptar la visión de otros aunque sea diferente a la mía; compartir a punta de silencios mi corazón y ganarme aunque sea un poquito el corazón de las personas que me importan, ustedes, mi gente.

Así, este año fue de grandes logros con gente que quiero. Estuve con Jacobo al menos un poquito cuando me necesito. Nació mi hija adoptiva María Fernanda y su mamá, mi adorada Liz, que es la mamá más feliz del mundo. Compartí horas con Glòria que nunca antes hubiera pensado. Hablé con Sussen (mi abuelita) tantas veces como pude con la intención de hacerla feliz. Cambié los silencios con mi papá por un cariño enorme y un respeto por esa persona que es y ha sido mi “Atticus” desde niño (lean To Kill a Mockingbird de Harper Lee). Compartí con mi mamá y mis hermanas, escuché al Sapo (mi tía) y estuve cuanto pude con todos los que pude por Chat, teléfono y en presencia.

El año se fue y viene el nuevo. Hoy es el primer día, como es costumbre y gracias a Jacobo, empiezo el año haciendo, sino lo que mejor me sale, sí una de las cosas que más me gusta: escribir.

Que mejor que escribir a la gente que quiero, compartir con la gente que quiero y decirles que lo mejor de cada día en este presente es una cosa muy simple: Hoy es nuestro presente, hoy les digo que los quiero y no me arrepiento de nada, porque lo que hice está allá en el pasado, así con errores, pero todo lo que hago hoy lo hago con las mejores intenciones, porque amo lo que hago y los amo a ustedes, y si un día no lo parece, díganlo, griten que si algo tengo claro es que puedo mejorarme, cambiarme, transformarme y con ello hacerlos y hacerme más feliz.

Este año y todos los que falten sepan que los quiero.

Siempre suyo (y también mío)

Pablo Cruz

PD. Aunque Carlos Lara dice que no necesito que me validen, creo que algunas veces sí, todos lo necesitamos, así que va de nuevo: Validation.

PD2. Intentando aprender de los demás, de las creencias de los demás encontré el siguiente plegaria que me gustó y se la dedico a toda la gente que es para mi excepcionalmente bella e importante: Blessing.

PD3. Para que no quede que no hay música, del nuevo álbum de Benny Ibarra, "Perder para Encontrar"

PD4. No olviden que los quiero un chingo y que siempre que me necesiten sólo tienen que gritar que los escucharé.

07 - Branch

2010-12-31T10:38:00.000-08:00

Boston, Massachusetts, USA. 2010

The last day of the year and I know I have to write two letters: one in Spanish and the other in English. If my Catalan friends were unable to read Spanish it would be three, but they can read Spanish. There must be about two months or so since I have been thinking about this letter. My summary of the year have had always the last thought of the year that ends and the hope of the next one. It is possible that neither what passed in my life nor what I hope to live really happened. However, it is a good practice of trying to say something kind to all the people that I love.

Tomorrow it is possible to have two posts the one in English and another in Spanish. If I have enough time it is possible to have the Catalan, but it is going to be hard. At this moment I have a lot of things to think about, and a lot of things to do. My girlfriend is waiting in Madrid to be saved from the European taxes, even that she and the other friends I sent her with are from here. So, I have to save my bike from England and my tripods from Italy, because the Europeans think that I am importing things from America. We will see how it goes, and I hope it is going to be find.

Soundtrack:

"Bicycle Race." Queen.

"Bicycle Orgasm." (Explicit Images)

06 - Kitchen

2010-12-30T03:22:00.000-08:00

Watertown, Massachusetts, USA. 2010

I have just arrived to Barcelona and I am thoughtful, really thoughtful. After a week in Mexico and with 1800Km (almost 1000 miles) there I have strange feelings. I mean, I had a great time with my family and the few moments with friends were nice. However, I felt and I have this feeling of not belonging. When I lived there I always thought that half of the things that the mass media said were if not false, they were just a little very little piece of everything. Perhaps, when I was there between what I lived and what I watch on TV it seems that they were different countries. Also, when the years pass by the links between friends and me have become less important. I have the all my life friends and some others that have become less and less near.

Life is like a kitchen because you can buy and use many tools to do a meal. It is a choice. I mean we can buy a special cutter to take out the potatoes skin or use a knife. It is possible to use a special spoon or use a normal one for the soup. So, the analogy with life is that we can choose. Some things, some people are important to us and we care to sustain a friendship or we left them behind. In Mexico, and that is the difference with Barcelona, I have many 'friends', in fact much more friends. In the end I just have contact with almost the same amount that I have in Barcelona. The real friends care about the other person and do the impossible to have contact.

I can be in a place and not see a friend. It is possible because I do not have time or because I do not want to have the time. The difference is that if I have time even if I have to cross the city or see them half hour is because I care. Ignacio went out from work and we met in a restaurant. I did late and he left. However, he came back to see me, and it was nice to have this kind of friend. He came back because he cares about me. It happened with Liz, Jacobo and some others. It was a choice between a giving a second from our life or not. That is what makes us matter.

As I said, we can choose between using a tool or not. To make things easy we can use a special one or we can complicate the things because it is the only option. In friendship I can do almost anything for my friends. Perhaps, in Spanish we have this phrase about "To put our hand to the fire for a person", it means that we trust a person. I trust my friends and I can do everything for the ones I care. I trust them and I know that if "I put my hands to the fire" for them, they are not going to let them burn. That is trust, that is love, that is friendship.

Soundtrack:

"Martika's Kitchen." Martika.

"Toy Soldier." Martika

05 - To Leave Behind

2010-12-27T22:19:00.000-08:00

Ciudad de México, México. 2010

A few days ago I left Boston and it was hard. I really like what I live and what I achieve there. All this year has been a hard work with myself. I needed to be clean. I needed to forgive myself and to have a new beginning. The work has not ended, It is just the beginning. At this moment all my family is sleeping and I am writing. I have not seen all the people I like to but I have done everything to see them. One great thing that I have done is that I am still fighting to clean myself. I am trying to do the right thing even when it hurts, even when the one that is losing things is me. It is possible that I am going to leave behind many things, many people. The cost of my principles is higher than I thought, but I have to do it.

During last year I worked on my future. I worked to achieve what I am doing now, and I have pointed where I am going. If someone wants to fly with me, if some others have left the ship, or they are going to leave it, it is a shame. However, I am handling everything I want a do, all the things I want to gain in my future. Today I saw the big brother and he remind me when he told me about his change in his life 10 years ago. He was laughing at me because I said something about the pink paint buckle, and It is true I have to use it, I have to do everything to be the person I want to be with the attitude I want to have.

I was talking to my sister, and we said hard things. We are fighting and we are together. The only thing we have is ourselves and we know that we are going together always. Then, we can say what we think, we can be what we are and accept us forever. Maybe in other cases there is a denial. Maybe, there is an impossibility, but I am going to do what I think I have to and say the truth. It is a hard work and it makes me feel that I have my heart open and bleeding. However, I feel right, complete and prepare to change what I have to change to build my future life.

There are things that are hard to leave behind. Furthermore, these things harm my heart and soul in many ways, maybe because I put both on everything that matters to me. I care about my people and I want to be the "New Human Being." We always talk about changing as something has to happen outside ourselves. Indeed, we usually want to have the change for granted. It is not. The change begins with ourselves. We the people are the ones that have the individual opportunity of changing. I am changing myself, and I am going to do it.

Soundtrack:

"Wind of Change." Scorpions.

"Mentiras Piadosas." Joaquín Sabina.

"Ella y Él." Ricardo Arjona.

"Si Bastasen Un Par de Canciones." Eros Ramazzotti.

PS. All the songs have phrases that I love because they have meaning about my dreams.

04 - Gifts

2010-12-25T22:13:00.000-08:00

Ciutadella, Menorca, Països Catalans. 2010

Wells, Maine, USA. 2010

Giving gifts is something special and there are special moments when gifts have special meaning. Christmas is for a lot of kids the season. Another one is the birthday of a person. Finally, the one that I like the most and it is to say how important are some people to me. Giving gifts, friendship, and just the "I am here for you" are things that I like to do. Nevertheless, I have a problem because I can give anything, but it is very difficult to me to receive gifts, friendship and anything. Both giving and receiving are things that everybody needs to work on in order to have an environment of sharing.

The unexpected gift or the expected one are something that I like to see as a reflection of a persons gestures. It is amazing when a person that is not expecting something sees a gift. The lack of expectation and the moment when the people receive the gift are usually a light in the sight, a constriction that is physically unnoticeable but usually perceive with a little 'something' in the environment. The gesture of thankfulness and usually happiness is something I love to see. It is something that I feel as a great feeling of human love. That is the reason why I like to give gifts, the intimacy created between the person and me is the essence of sharing.

Today, in Tehuacan my nephews receive their gifts. They expected that but the children behavior is awesome, they usually show what grown up people do not: The deep feeling of joy. I have always enjoy their feeling of joy. I like it very much because I saw them part of their childhood with this feeling at their skin. There is not a need of a gift, but they need something that amuse them. My nephew Pau got this feeling one day when I was playing a song I made for him. He had these gestures that made me cry. The song was a gift for him and my sister and for me his reaction to the song was the best gift I have ever had.

My family ask me always what do I want as a gift. I never know what to ask. Usually what they propose me is something I have or I do not need. Every year I give gifts to myself, and I buy what I need so it is difficult to ask for a gift. Furthermore, my ex wife always said that I was a 'thankful dog' because I like everything and I use everything. The "Thankful Dog' is a brand of dog's soap against fleas. I have to say that I am like that, I thank everything. However the problem, or my problem is that I feel strange when someone give a gift. Maybe, I feel that I do not deserve it. I also do not open gifts in front of the person and it has given me some problems because people feel that I am not interested. I am interested, but I prefer to open gifts alone.

Last year was plenty of gifts to people I love and to myself. Books, gadgets, caps, cups, and some other things were part of the ones I gave. To myself I gave almost the whole year studying English, programming, a course in Harvard, the photography stuff, and so on. Now I gave just a few gifts at home, the main one was my presence here and I took, and I will take photos of all the family. Finally, I expect to give as a gift for my birthday a new job. It would be great to give me that. It is going to be also to see some people. It is a gift to say hello or goodbye, at least for one last chance. But possibly it is going to be the beginning of a new life. That beginning could be the best gift of my life. Next year is going to be hard, there are expectations and I would like to do it right and have the positive answers my new compass. Well, that is it. I like to give gifts in order to honor people I love, and it is difficult to receive because I have what I need and I have a personal problem with receiving. So lets learn to receive and continue giving, and the best gift is going to be to gain what I have worked for, and what I have been building during this last two years.

Soundtrack:

"Bachata Rosa." Juan Luis Guerra.

"Juego Que Me Regalo Un Seis de Enero." Silvio. Silvio Rodríguez.

03 - Space's Letters

2010-12-24T08:27:00.000-08:00

Bedford, Massachusetts, USA. 2010

There are many things that we cannot change. Almost all the things that are out of our hands are impossible to change. I read twice some emails that some people has sent me lately. Some are beautiful because they have this special property of recognizing something about the human's mistakes. I think that even that is difficult sometimes to see our mistakes from others sight it is important. The others emails were unpleasant. Maybe, it is the reason of the others sight. Mine and the others sight are bias and hurt. However, there is something to learn.

A few days ago I wrote an email to the people at the school in Boston. I have to recognize that it was a beautiful moment of my life. Furthermore, it had this peaceful feature that I needed. I suppose that it was also my personal situation. In the letter I talked about me as an uneasy person because I am a little rebel, but also about being rebel against my own foolishness. I try hard to improve myself and my stubbornness.

Words usually have no sense if there is no interest to read or heard them. Even though, the words are always important. A word had no meaning if we do not want to give it that meaning. Some Americans said about the letter that it had "kind words". That is the reason why I wrote the letter. To say how much I love them and enjoy my life there. My world is done with things that are usually as Sherry Turkle says on her book at "the other side of the screen." It is difficult to communicate things face-to-face because I capture a lot of information of the humans gestures, movements and it makes me nervous. With words I feel the same, but it has the essential difference of the coverage of the screen. So, I feel safer and it is easy to answer really thinking.

In this moment I am writing with my nephews, sisters, parents, and etcetera around. There are shouts, noise and many things that I am not very use to them. However, I try to be with them, maybe because I am not usually with them. I have to write to maintain my mind on shape, to scape from things that I do not like, and finally because I need to communicate, say things, even knowing that there are no readers or the silent mob is reading.

One of this days I will continue my yearly letter to my world. To the people I love and that sometimes is impossible to be with them. Some of them do not trust me, some others love me. However, even when the war with some people has no sense and there is nothing to do or say I continue trying to pacify my environment. I cannot live in the middle of a war with the people I love because finally is a war with myself. The only thing to say is that I love them, and as I said in the letter to my teachers in Boston, I am a rebel, but I am a rebel against my own foolishness. It is the first and the only one that I can really change.

Soundtrack:

"Under the Bridge." Blood Sugar Sex Magic. Red Hot Chili Peppers.

02 - Imagination

2010-12-23T00:19:00.000-08:00

Boston, Massachusetts, USA. 2010.

I was thinking about changing the language of the posts, but I thought I will continue in English. The reason is practice, I need to practice and try not to forget what I have learnt.

Now I am on my bed laying down before sleeping. I am in Morelia, my hometown. I am at my parents' house. The house they built for the family and at least I did not enjoy with them. When they finished it I was already around the Mexican world. It is nice to be here though.

Yesterday I arrived to Mexico after a long trip with delays and problems from Boston. I tried to contact my ex wife (or girlfriend after the years it was the same for me) and she told me that she was not interested in seeing us. As always I tried not just that, but knowing if she was doing well. I contacted a friend of her and the answer was also a rejection, in fact a more bitter than the one of my ex. I felt really annoyed, but I am done with that. My silly imagination about a peaceful friendship has finished and there is not going to be any more. I am done.

About my imagination I suppose that is silly because I think that adults have grown enough to understand the others to live in peace. My imagination and my hope are silly. Humans and adults usually are not enough smart to understand. A long time ago when I was a student of Communication Sciences I thought that the worst thing around communication were feelings. They do not let us think. They do not let us understand. They go out from the worst part of us and do the worst things to people. Any case is applicable: wars, divorce, friendship, and etcetera.

A few weeks ago I said to a friend that I would try to see my ex. It is like a duty about the 15 years of friendship that we had. My comment to him was that I was trying to do the things right. Then I had this rejection, the same that finished the relation. Talking to my mother she told me, "If there is not a problem or a fight when you broke up the human mind cannot justify it," She told me that it was something the psychologist said. Yes, it is possible that it happens like that. My imagination was silly though.

Finally, the only thing that last to do this year is to begin it saying the true. My true of course because is the only one I can talk about. There is a lot to do and there is no time. However, I want to do the right thing because a great amount of next year will depend on it. Glòria told me once that a lie and a half true are different. I disagree. My perspective is that a lie and a half true are lies. I do not want to live in a lie or saying half trues. I am changed. I want to create the new man that I want to be. This is the beginning.

Soundtrack:

"Perder para Encontrar." Benny Ibarra

"Calaveras." Benny Ibarra (Feat. Lila Downs)

* Since the first record Benny has been a good reference of the Mexican pop.

01 - A Broken Pause

2010-12-21T21:25:00.000-08:00

Brookline, Massachusetts, USA. 2010

Brighton, Massachusetts, USA. 2010

We gave the last hug, the last kiss on the cheek, and we said goodbye to each other. In that moment we were breaking up. For me that day at the airport had begun the spread of nostalgia. In fact I saw how my own absences began to conquer both the city and I. Lala the woman with whom I had shared my life the last seven years was leaving Barcelona. She was going back to our hometown in Mexico. It was on that moment at Barcelona’s airport when I realized how I have lost my lighthouse many years before. After this everything helped me to decide, and brought me here to my ‘broken pause’ in Boston.

Barcelona was a dream since I finished my master seven years before. One day I had the opportunity to go back there. It was an unexpected dream that could be accomplished. When I came home and talked with Lala about it. I didn’t figure out how I broke something in our relationship. She was really upset and she said, “I don’t want a talk about it, ever.” Months passed. Finally, one day I convinced her to talk, and she agreed about my goal of going to Barcelona. I continued the process to get the work visa. However the six months that followed it were a ‘cold war’ between us. I couldn’t see anything else. I was completely blind.

Seven months later I obtained the permission to work in Barcelona. I was happiest as ever in my life. Hours later I arrived home and told her the news. “I was dreaming that you weren’t getting the visa,” she said. I felt the coldness of her words in my heart. From then on she got sad. She didn’t want to go. After my Birthday, we flew to Barcelona. My connections eased the arrival: A shared friend’s apartment was the first place, and a month later we were in another friend’s apartment just for us. However, everything was a huge discussion between us. Our relationship had died months ago in Mexico City. My selfish blindness about Barcelona crumbled down everything she cared about. She was completely attached to her family and our hometown.

Lala and her mother had a relationship of fear, love and neediness. One day I said, “I think this trip has helped you and your mom to do things freely.” Her mother was threatened as an ill person since she widowed. However with our move her mother had new wings and wanted to do things. For me, she was cured. Instead the comment was the worst insult I had ever said to Lala. She was depressed, and for me, either my work goals or the relationship problems took out my own depression. For the first time I went to a psychiatrist and took pills. Everything was improving on my side, but not for her. She has lupus, but until then it was under control. However, it went out. We were working to heal her, but as I noticed later it wasn’t enough. Among all the messes we were in I had a huge error. I cheated on her. Even though we tried to solve all our problems we couldn’t. Finally, a few months later we decided to break up.

The instants at the airport broke me completely. I continued almost one year alone, but I wasn’t sure about my goals. One day talking to my boss I realized the possibility of quitting and had a pause. By the end of the year I arranged my resignation. So the first months of 2010 I finished all I needed to have my ‘broken pause’.

I always dreamt about studying in the United States of America. So I came here to think about myself and reinvent me. Now I am in Boston with a lot of decisions to make: A PhD? Going back to Barcelona?, etcetera. I’m doubtful about almost everything. But now, in the middle of this moment I am in my ‘broken pause’ trying to clarify myself and have a new beginning. The one I realized I need since Lala and I said goodbye in Barcelona.

PS.1. I post this for two reasons: First, I have arrived to Mexico today and this ends the "Broken Pause" in Boston. Second, this is my explanation of the reason that took me to Boston, and now I have to wait the future's call.

PS.2. I was supposed to see Lala because even though we broke up I cannot understand how love can be transformed into hate. She said, "No."

PS.3. This text was written a long time ago. I had a 20 of 100 and I modified it. I do not know is represents my writing, but I left my heart on it.

PS.4. I just have arrived to Mexico and is like when I wrote for 4 years an article about a Martian that lands here. I have the same feeling. I published the article in a Newspaper and in my first blog that I closed a year ago.

Soundtrack:

"Ella me Dijo que No." Las Consecuencias. Enrique Bunbury.

"Ayer me Dijo un Ave." El Nervio del Volcán. Caifanes.

22 - Myself and Me

2010-12-21T00:08:00.000-08:00

Brighton Massachusetts, USA. 2010

I have half an hour before Charlie gets up to take to the airport. I was suppose to write in Catalan or Spanish but I prefer to do it in English. These are my last hours in Boston, so lets do an effort to write in English. This post also has the perfect number: 22. This number is my birthday day, and as I have been saying since 1998 after I found Ray Loriga's book Lo Peor de Todo, "I have chosen this date to go from the personal obsession through the public atrocity." In the book it was also my birthday in January 22nd, and the Isandlwana battle between the Zulus and the British. Besides, this number is also my uncle's number: Saint Charbel Majluf's lucky number. So, today I will write in English because the post is the 22nd.

I sent and email to my professors and staff at the school to say thank you. I also wrote a letter to Charlie, my host, to explain my experience in Boston. Now, that I have finished packing the luggage I will say that my experience here has changed me. I was with the wings broken and now I want to do something. I want to change my life and follow my dreams. Maybe, some people cannot move on from things that have happened. Maybe I have hurt someone and is something that is not going to forgive me ever. However, I have to continue, I have to give sense to my life. A few days ago I had dinner with Ann and I told her, "I will survive," and yes, I will. The problem that I saw later is that I do not want to survive anymore, I want to live, I want to have a plenty life and build my dream. It is difficult, there are many things to change and to learn, but I can do it just like I did it in Boston.

The Counting Crows have this song "Perfect Blue Buildings." It is depressive, but It showed me during this 15 years that I have to be one with myself and me. I have to build me as a whole and not as an ass hole. Then, I will work on that. I have opened my Pandora Box and I have to clean all the illnesses I have spread in myself. I have the cure, and the cure is to work hard and do little goals one by one. That is it. I have my little goals, and I will accomplish them.

Soundtrack:

Perfect Blue Buildings. Counting Crows.

Déjalo Ir. Benny Ibarra.

PS. 1. Thanks to all the people, you the people in America that have given me this beautiful time!

PS. 2 Love is something we cannot change from our hearts. We give it or we lose it!

21 - La Estrella

2010-12-19T21:30:00.000-08:00

Revere Beach, Boston, Massachusetts, USA. 2010

Estoy en las postrimeras horas que viviré en Boston. Cómo sucede últimamente el sueño se me va como si el simple hecho de moverme lo hiciera huir. Las últimas semanas han sido intensas. Por un lado en varias de esas noches de insomnio en las que me ponía a escribir por la noche, salí a fumar a la terraza. Ahí vi durante noches distintas una cosa que me hizo mucha ilusión: Estrellas fugaces. Siempre se ha dicho que dan buena suerte.

Entre las despedidas, las estrellas y el cerrar ciclos me encontré con el corazón abierto de lado a lado y a punto de estallar. Aunque no lo parezca, siempre he sido muy sentimental y el miedo a que me hagan daño me ha hecho arisco, como a "la burra" del dicho. Aún quedan problemas por resolver, aún quedan días por hacer cosas, equivocaciones o recular en los errores pasados. Al menos continuar con mi visión de pese a mis errores quiero reconocer que a las personas que quiero no las pienso perder, así me tenga que tirar de un precipicio.

Desde hace tiempo la suerte no es un indicativo de mi vida. El trabajo, el dejarse la piel en cada cosa, el dejarse el corazón cuando se ama es lo que realmente me importa. Vine a Boston a curarme, a limpiarme del último accidente histérico-histórico. Parece ser que lo logré en gran medida, pero sobre todo parece ser que descubrí nuevamente lo que Ann llamó "Compass", la brújula de mi existencia. Quiero hacer un par de cosas muy específicas, he trabajado para ellas, pero esto no indica que las circunstancias lo permitan. Uno trabaja para que sucedan las cosas, pero no siempre se es responsable de que se hagan realidad. El control algunas veces está fuera de nuestras manos.

Ayer vi Black Swan con Nathalie Portman, además de ser una película que me gustó bastante, tanto la actuación como la música y los efectos. Lo más importante que saqué fue una pequeña frase: "El control no lo es todo, déjate ser libre para que realmente lo sientas." Pensé en cuántas veces, cuantas personas que conozco, yo incluido, queremos controlar las cosas. Es imposible, nos controlamos a nosotros y en algún momento explotamos. Me pasa a mí, le pasa a Ann, nos pasa a todos. El control sólo nos da tensión y la tensión tiende, como el agua, a buscar sus lugares de salida.

Cuando estaba en México intenté controlar lo que sucedía en el trabajo, quería tenerlo todo en mis manos. Troné. Me despanzurré totalmente y terminé en el hospital. En Barcelona pasó lo mismo, estaba intentando controlar mi vida y la vida de pareja, pero al final también troné y la pareja tronó. Yo me quedé totalmente deshecho. En el camino me quité algunas otras ataduras, me fui sintiendo más libre, sin control era más libre. Vine a Boston y aunque siempre uno tiende a controlar cosas, fui bastante libre. Aprendí a no controlar lo incontrolable. Aprendí a ver a las personas desde lejos e intentar simplemente estar ahí, si te necesitan. Dejé el control.

No sé si todo esto en el fondo ha solucionado totalmente mi vida. La vida es larga, pero sus momentos pequeños. Imagino que habrá cosas que mejorarán y otras que no tanto. Me gustaría amarrarme a mis objetivos, dicen que la esperanza es lo último que se pierde. Creo que estoy preparado para tomar seriamente las riendas. Esas riendas implican cambios, modificaciones, pérdidas, pero la vida siempre está cambiando y hay que asumir el cambio. El día de las estrellas fugaces pensé que esos instantes de belleza habían sido míos. Eso es lo que valía la pena, no la suerte, no el tiempo que estuvieron, sino el hecho de que yo las vi y se quedaron en mi corazón.

Soundtrack:

Como Quien Pierde a Una Estrella. Alejandro Fernández.

Trátame Suavemente. Soda Stereo.

No. Fijación Oral I. Shakira